Sunday, March 21, 2010

Ice Cream Advice

Last summer while I was staying in Athens to take a summer class my age-old friends Aaron, Sam, and Anna came to visit me at my cabin. It is always a great time with the Gorman crew. I've been best friends with Aaron since we were two so we have inside jokes dating back to the early 90's. 

We were hanging out and watching some of our longtime movie faves when we our sweet tooths got the hankering for some apple pie and ice cream. So we trekked out to Wal-Mart for snacks and supplies. At the freezer section we stood in front of the isle of glass doors pondering which choice of the hundreds would satisfy the most. We were also trying to have a smigen of health consciousness during our indulgent snacking. The cartons that sported claims of half the calories, 1/3 the fat, or sugar free were earning our attention. Our decision was almost made on a lowfat peanut butter and chocolate chip delicacy when we heard...

"You don't wantta eat that shit."

Our attention drifted away from the ice cream and we found a peculiar man addressing us. Here was this strange man, wearing penny loafers and sockless, bidding his supposed seasoned and experienced advice on ice cream choices to four young college kids. My guestimation on his age was 46 and although I have no clue what his name was, I am dubbing him as Glen because nothing could fit better. He was rocking khaki shorts in which the fabric barely extended to the halfway mark of his waist and knees. The shorts were more white than the traditional khaki color and they contrasted the black tank top that let a tuft of blond and gray hair puff above the neck collar. A gold chain necklace sat cushioned on top of the curlies. Urgh.... hack.... Glen's head was highlighted by his large semi-tinted eyeglasses, mustache,  and the perimeter of blond and gray hair that circled the shiny bold spot on the peak.

"Huh?" I replied.
"That lowfat stuff has chemicals and shit in it. You don't want to eat that."
"Oh yeah, is that so?" Sam asked half joking. 
"Yeah, you want the all-natural ingredients. I've been going off of natural fat for a long time and it has done me no harm," Glen confirmed. 
"I guess that makes sense," Anna said cautiously. 

Aaron didn't say a word. His face blatantly showed how weird he thought this guy was.

Glen confessed, "I have to stock up on this stuff because when I go back to the East coast it is so expensive." He then continued to pile half gallon cartons into his arms until he had a selection of five different kinds. 

"It looks like you know what you are talking about," I said as I picked out an all-natural vanilla bean carton and the others okayed my decision. I think that we were half confused, partially convinced, and a little intimidated that his pals back on the East coast might come after us for disrespecting his experienced advice and choosing an ice cream with 1/3 of the calories and loads of chemicals. Glen was a small guy, but he could have some connections. 

We thanked Glen for his advice and parted ways because we needed to find our apple pie. After the apple pie was selected we headed towards the checkout. We were standing in line for a couple of minutes when Glen pops up behind us with his armful of ice cream. He sees our selection of the all-natural vanilla bean and exclaims, "That's what you want! That's the good stuff!" 

"We are looking forward to the natural way of eating ice cream," Sam said. Glen grinned at us so we left. 

The ice cream and apple pie did end up to be quite delicious and it was an interesting encounter with my good friends since the beginning of time. I just hope that I avoided a bio-nuclear stomach ache because we followed Glen's advice about getting the natural kind. 

Monday, March 15, 2010

Build Us Fiction live at The Cabin March 13, 2010.

Thanks a million times over to Sam Gorman for learning a crazy amount of our strange material in only one day for us and rocking out on drums.